Why Words Matter
In Part 1 of the Salimah episode on Is My Child A Monster?,
I speak about how the language we use affects the way we
perceive and understand the situation. Words like combat
and battle imply that you’re dealing with the enemy.
It implies that you better be ready for a fight and come in with your fighting energy, and it affects the way your child experiences your parenting. Culturally, we use violent language all the time; so it makes sense that we’d also use that in our parenting. But we have a chance to change the script. Whether you are a parent or not, paying attention to what words you use can be a game changer!
Words that we speak have an impact on others and just like you can not put toothpaste back in the tube once it’s out, you can not take back words once they are spoken.
Taking a moment to notice what language you’re using can help you do that. The language we use reflects our internal thoughts and feelings. And being aware of that language can help create a safe space for ourselves and others.
Do you use violent language, such as combat, killing me, eating me up alive?
Do you use blaming language? Such as you make me so….?
Do you use victim language, such as why do you do this to me?
Do you use extreme language, such as always, never, best, worst?
Can you stop and listen to the way you say things and the words you use?
Can you be more deliberate in the words you choose?
This is coming from me—a person who often speaks before I think and uses extreme language ALL the time (ha). So if I can pay attention to the words I am using, you can do it too. Start to listen to the words that come out of your mouth and try to catch them, check them, and change them. And do it in the moment. Re-wind and re-state them!! These are the 3 C’s of Cognitive Behavior Therapy.
Share with me any phrases or words that you catch, check and change!
Mindfully,
Leslie