Asking for help–Why some people seem allergic to it
In the Salimah episodes of Is My Child A Monster? we hear how hard Salimah works at being a single mom of 3 children. She gets emotional when I validate how hard she’s working. We all agree she deserves help. Actually we all deserve help at times. Yet, we’ve grown up with cultural myths and stereotypes about asking for help. There are societal beliefs as well as beliefs we learned from our family that can make it challenging to ask for help. Are you one of those people? Will you ask for directions? Will you ask for help if you are overwhelmed? Do you even know when you are overwhelmed? Have you thought about this question?
Let's take these yes or no questions and take it one step further. Take a moment to look at the nuances about asking for help and when you do it and when you don’t.
When do you ask for help? ______________________________________________
When is it easy for you to ask for help?____________________________________
When is it hard for you to ask for help?____________________________________
Who do you ask for help from?____________________________________________
Who do you avoid asking for help and why?_________________________________
Asking for help is hard.
It can be hard for many reasons because you may have learned that…
If you asked for help, you may have been told to do it on your own
If you asked for help, the other person would get upset
If you asked for help, the other person may have made you feel guilty
Asking for help means that you will be a burden
There was no one there to ask (many reasons for this)
You were an independent soul and wanted to do everything on your own
Cultural or societal belief that “asking for help is a weakness”
Let's go in reverse for a moment. We know that helping others improves your own mental health, happiness, sense of belonging, reduces isolation and overall sense of well-being. In plain english, it makes you feel better about yourself. So why not do people a favor and ask them for help, and help them feel good about themselves. Change the narrative. In many ways, asking for he is a strength and something that is of great value to you and those you ask.
Let’s be real, there is a downside.
The downside is the vulnerability or discomfort of actually asking for help. Its an exposure to do it, so “ask for help” as a practice. Ask for help as if it was a workout routine. I also suggest that not waiting till you are desperate, feeling burnt out or past the point of no return.
Do it because it's good for you and it's good for others.
warmly, Leslie
PS. Here’s my ask for today: Can you share this newsletter with a friend? Or tell a friend about Is My Child A Monster?